I found myself browsing through the internet about the possible consequences of repression these past few days.
I went on searching since the day our guidance counselor, Ma'am Chat gave us an personality test (and too bad, I forgot the name! Damn memory of mine. Haha!). I just can't get over with the fact that I had a high inclusion ratings (in short, pa-VIP effect. I must be INVITED in ALL occasions) and I tend not to let it all out. It said, repression is all I really do all the time.
Grr, there's no denying. I guess my closest friends know it.
When we repress, we 'd like to think that we did not feel any, did not hear any and did not know any but the truth is we FEEL, HEAR AND KNOW EVERYTHING. We just tend to trash out our awareness to the unconscious part of our brain. I guess, I'm having this kind of habit unconsciously because of my strange variance of moods. Or in short, I don't like to acknowledge that some things are happening (or happened). Or is it our Abnormal Psychology just makes me paranoid of having such defense mechanisms? HAHA. I dunno.
The worst part is I forget immediately what just happened (not ordinary happenings though, just those SHOCKING and UNUSUAL HAPPENINGS). If you'd ask me what are those happenings, ahmmm, maybe... I just repressed that.
You see? I don't like remembering those things that are unusual to my monotonous life.
All I know now is that, it's not that I don't want to feel. It's not that I'm numb or whatever heart of stone if I have. I'm just like... afraid to feel.
OMG. Sh*t. Emo na.
I went on searching since the day our guidance counselor, Ma'am Chat gave us an personality test (and too bad, I forgot the name! Damn memory of mine. Haha!). I just can't get over with the fact that I had a high inclusion ratings (in short, pa-VIP effect. I must be INVITED in ALL occasions) and I tend not to let it all out. It said, repression is all I really do all the time.
Grr, there's no denying. I guess my closest friends know it.
When we repress, we 'd like to think that we did not feel any, did not hear any and did not know any but the truth is we FEEL, HEAR AND KNOW EVERYTHING. We just tend to trash out our awareness to the unconscious part of our brain. I guess, I'm having this kind of habit unconsciously because of my strange variance of moods. Or in short, I don't like to acknowledge that some things are happening (or happened). Or is it our Abnormal Psychology just makes me paranoid of having such defense mechanisms? HAHA. I dunno.
The worst part is I forget immediately what just happened (not ordinary happenings though, just those SHOCKING and UNUSUAL HAPPENINGS). If you'd ask me what are those happenings, ahmmm, maybe... I just repressed that.
You see? I don't like remembering those things that are unusual to my monotonous life.
All I know now is that, it's not that I don't want to feel. It's not that I'm numb or whatever heart of stone if I have. I'm just like... afraid to feel.
OMG. Sh*t. Emo na.
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