On A Friday Night

Let me tell you one thing, straight to the point.

I'm starting to like people who hates m.

Not the reciprocal 'like' you know, but it's the feeling that exists when you know someone hates you to the bits. It's a blank feeling, and I'm starting to be egocentric about it. Not the bad type of egocentricity but it's just the thought that, "Wow, this person hates me, then I'm starting to like my self more".

I had this notion before that I don't really like myself. I have flaws and all and tends to be jealous of other people's traits. How I really wished to be an outspoken kind of girl, who's not afraid to say what's on my mind. But then, I just go with what the main stream says or just cling to nobody's side just to play safe.

Then everyday becomes a reality.

It's like every experience I have to undergo, someone hates my guts. If I do the right thing, someone hates me. If I stick to that "hate-able" label, I'm more "hate-able", of course. 

In my new work, my co-workers don't like me. That's fine with me. As long as professionalism at work is seen, so everything's working fine despite that fact. 

Then there's just one group of people who got hatred on me that much and I think, everything is just so sore. I have nothing to prove to them, but since they had 'spread words like fire and caused catastrophe to one's welfare, I think this time, I'll be standing up and believe that I have the very right to be angry. 

My friend, Hanna, said to me these words, "you have the right to be angry at them" and it rooted from the feeling of being surrounded by a lot of people and yet you still feel alone in a silent battle. 

And being hated doesn't give you a right to create animosity towards a person. I guess, it's just hard for me to accept that not all things should be reciprocated. :(

Goodnight.