This went for more than a year now.
I thought they would just go away, shrug that stuff off and keep their hatred to themselves. First few months for a couple should have the cloud nine-y feeling as we all know but it turned out to be different with what I have been experiencing. I thought that certain dislike from that certain people would only go for the first few months, or so I thought.
"Sanggano kung umasta at magsalita... Hindi matinong babae... Mapagpanggap at sinungaling... Bastos makipagusap at walang modo... Ugly piece of shit, snake-skinned girl"
I've never heard those words (and other words that I did not quote here) of hatred from anyone before. I mean, they're intense. They are defamatory in any form. I might cry if I knew someone who displays a total dislike for me or worst, animosity, because I'm that weak. But I never wanted everyone to be pleased by me as I also plead to be slightly guilty about hating anyone. As far as my animosity or lesser degree of it, is concerned, it is purely human nature to do it since I believe that this is one of our ways to build up our defenses towards our different reactions to different people with different personalities.
I cannot even fathom in what way or what incidents did I display those traits mentioned by them nor I don't have any idea where all of these words came from. It's hard not be affected by them since I'm also making my own way to reach out to those people whom I thought I hurt of all what happened. But what's really hurting with this is that I'm already here, without thought or pride, reaching out little by little but I felt rejected all the time. Aside from rejection, incidents injurious to my reputation and continuous esteem-damaging messages were very overwhelming. From that, I was not given any chance, even a small chance to defend my self in which I find not fair. Very unfair.
I leave this judgment to people who really knew me, inside and out. What matters to me now are those real friends who serve as my 'backbone', who knew the real story. I'm not saying these to show up my hands clean, I also admit, I have mistakes to this happening and I'm responsible for its consequences. But I learned and am learning my lesson.
They may rant about a person but not to the point to destroy a person, flashing it to their FB statuses. It's just really saddening that even people I look(ed) up to, people I respect all the time and people I'm learning to have harmony with, were seeing this social networking site as "dumpsite of opinions to create an endless damnation". I may not have a complete control over people's reactions and opinions but at least, learn to keep it to themselves since they are also protecting their own name and title. If you want to be respected, show respect and act like what your age means. And oh, sorry for the latter part, we have to blame and consider upbringing, hormones and other factors that contribute to emotional maturity. Hehe. And now, I'm just seeing the situation as a laughing stock, I'm stressed by it anyway, so why penetrate it to my system? Okay, delete this italicized part.
All stories have B-sides, it's just that some people just tend to listen to the side A of the tape. They have been overwhelmingly deaf to their hatred. I cannot do anything about that. All I can do now is to listen to my own music, try not be affected at least and wish everyone well. And I really mean it.
I thought they would just go away, shrug that stuff off and keep their hatred to themselves. First few months for a couple should have the cloud nine-y feeling as we all know but it turned out to be different with what I have been experiencing. I thought that certain dislike from that certain people would only go for the first few months, or so I thought.
"Sanggano kung umasta at magsalita... Hindi matinong babae... Mapagpanggap at sinungaling... Bastos makipagusap at walang modo... Ugly piece of shit, snake-skinned girl"
I've never heard those words (and other words that I did not quote here) of hatred from anyone before. I mean, they're intense. They are defamatory in any form. I might cry if I knew someone who displays a total dislike for me or worst, animosity, because I'm that weak. But I never wanted everyone to be pleased by me as I also plead to be slightly guilty about hating anyone. As far as my animosity or lesser degree of it, is concerned, it is purely human nature to do it since I believe that this is one of our ways to build up our defenses towards our different reactions to different people with different personalities.
I cannot even fathom in what way or what incidents did I display those traits mentioned by them nor I don't have any idea where all of these words came from. It's hard not be affected by them since I'm also making my own way to reach out to those people whom I thought I hurt of all what happened. But what's really hurting with this is that I'm already here, without thought or pride, reaching out little by little but I felt rejected all the time. Aside from rejection, incidents injurious to my reputation and continuous esteem-damaging messages were very overwhelming. From that, I was not given any chance, even a small chance to defend my self in which I find not fair. Very unfair.
I leave this judgment to people who really knew me, inside and out. What matters to me now are those real friends who serve as my 'backbone', who knew the real story. I'm not saying these to show up my hands clean, I also admit, I have mistakes to this happening and I'm responsible for its consequences. But I learned and am learning my lesson.
They may rant about a person but not to the point to destroy a person, flashing it to their FB statuses. It's just really saddening that even people I look(ed) up to, people I respect all the time and people I'm learning to have harmony with, were seeing this social networking site as "dumpsite of opinions to create an endless damnation". I may not have a complete control over people's reactions and opinions but at least, learn to keep it to themselves since they are also protecting their own name and title. If you want to be respected, show respect and act like what your age means. And oh, sorry for the latter part, we have to blame and consider upbringing, hormones and other factors that contribute to emotional maturity. Hehe. And now, I'm just seeing the situation as a laughing stock, I'm stressed by it anyway, so why penetrate it to my system? Okay, delete this italicized part.
All stories have B-sides, it's just that some people just tend to listen to the side A of the tape. They have been overwhelmingly deaf to their hatred. I cannot do anything about that. All I can do now is to listen to my own music, try not be affected at least and wish everyone well. And I really mean it.
“Things don’t always go as well as you might like... There are times when things might not even work out at all... But the first time you feel those precious emotions, I’m sure that’s something that you have to treasure. And every single one of those feelings... leads us a bit further onwards, towards the future." (Hatsukoi Limited)
1 comment:
aw.. >:D<
btw, napanood mo na hatsukoi?
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