Posted 3 Days Ago.

Repost.

Good morning, sun. Although it’s not usual of me to greet you.

I just got always one person to greet good morning, but not today as my mind says.

I had this burden from last night and it just seems to last. I hated it. And I can predict, this is the lamest post I made.

Last night, it was all goodbye even if we’re just beginning. We had to take things off so it will not take any longer. You were in tears while i just watch you fixing up the catastrophe. I never liked to end this as well but we have to. Inside I’m really crying and helpless but I won’t do that in front of you. I’ll just have to be strong for you if that what makes you happy (or so I thought).

I told you for the last time, “Do whatever you want if that would make you happy.” You replied back, “You are… you are just the one. That makes me feel the happiest.”

“Then, what do you want me to do now? It’s only you that who must decide.”

“I’m really sorry if I hurt you but I really don’t want to make you sad because in every day that we are together, there’s only one thing I really want to do, that is to make you the happiest.”

I shrugged it off, I don’t know what to say. But it tugged me in my heartstrings. He never failed to make me really happy EVERY DAY. Same thing with him, he would always say he’s the happiest. And that fact would just have to be erased from my mind. I just have to let go.

So dear wrong love, apologies from a lost soul like me. I did not mean to confuse you from time to time but for that very short time, both of us knew we are the happiest. I can’t deny that I’m not hurt but don’t worry, you know me. I always try to feel better even if the whole world’s upside down. I still laugh the loudest in front of our friends even if inside’s it’s really tearing me apart. It’s always been YOU who knew what’s really hidden from this mask I wear everyday.

I know you’re feeling the same burden right now like what you said this morning. I did not give any reply back not because I’m upset, I don’t now give a damn care or what but it’s just the right thing to do. I have to ignore you for a while or so but it doesn’t mean it’s easy for me to move on. Come on, you can’t expect me to do that in one shot case. How can it be easy if you’re my seatmate in class, we live in the same neighborhood, we’re group mates in school works, we belong in the same circle of friends and the worst of all, you are my best friend.

Wrong timing is what you always say but I won’t agree to that. There’s no wrong time in here. We just had the wrong chance. Because how can we have those happiest times if it’s all in the wrong time? Don’t be bothered to what I said, it’s just my way to lighten the situation.

Don’t worry I’m still wearing that froggy smile that I taught you even for this moment, I don’t feel like wearing it. I’m faking inside. But I still stare at the flower on my study table you gave me the other day. I know it won’t make me feel same giddiness anymore but all I have to do now is to be happy for you. It’s a cliche but as your best friend, i understand. And I really really do.

I felt like crying now as I end this post because I’m fed up from last night. Last night, I did not cry. I just laughed the night away with some of my friends, making my problem a laugh stock as I share it to them. You know me, you always tell me that I’m the strongest person you knew. But don’t worry, I’m still the strongest.

I posted this in Tumblr so that only few can read it. I won’t post this to my Blogger and Multiply because I know, you always stalk me there. And I won’t give a care if you’ll find this out. I’m just letting it all out.

Thank you for the hatid sundo to and from my dorm every day. For being my study buddy. For making the corniest jokes in the whole universe and yet I still laugh the loudest guffaw because it’s only me who finds it “laughable”. For treating me to movies every now and then. For being with me in my last minute shopping sessions. For hopping with me from mall to mall. For wasting your rolls of films in your SLR so that I can practice my dumb photography skills. For the patience you show when I’m mad if I can’t do the macro mode in your camera. For pinching my cheeks every time you see me frowning. For giving me medicine when I have my asthma attacks and headache (mood swings counted). For serenading me songs with your guitar as well as singing your heart out in the TimeZone. For the hands held secretly (and I know, I know, Jeka caught us once I guess). For the tighest hug in the world (even if sometimes you try lifting me up inches from the ground.. and worse, your back hurts after that and still manage to tell me that’s okay). For sharing weekend dinner with my friends although they always tease us. For going to mass every week with me because you know I’m always alone. and the best of all, for being the best-est friend I ever had.

As tears are falling one by one, I’m going to tell you again. I really understand, you don’t have to worry. Just let me cry for a while even if you don’t like seeing me sad. And for the last time, I love you. And I really really do, and you always know that. :’(

P.S. Don’t worry, I kept the letter you sent to me over our semestral break. It still makes me smile but I won’t read it this time. I’m still keeping all the stuffs you gave but I have to keep them in a box for a while so I won’t see them.